Are you using the wrong pronouns?
Have you got a favourite speech? Whether it be a famous classic like Martin Luther-King's I have a dream, a legendary rant like Julia Gillard's Misogyny, or a viral TED chart-topper like Sir Ken Robinson's School is killing creativity, I invite you to try an experiment.
Whatever your preferred speech, I suggest you watch it again, and count the use of pronouns.
How many times does the speaker say "I" or "me"?
How many times do they say "you" or "them"?
And how many times do they say "we" or "us"?
Whilst I obviously can't know what speech you chose, my guess is that the winning category will be the third one, 'we'. Why? Because speakers that use collective pronouns more often are almost always better at engaging the audience than those that favour the alternatives.
'You' speakers set up a subconscious barrier between themselves and the audience. Saying "you" or "them" a lot implies that you think of "me" as somehow separate. It's hard to engage with someone who thinks of themselves as an 'other'.
'I' speakers project a subconscious belief that they are, in effect, the centre of the universe. Overuse of the "I" and "me" pronouns tends to imply a lack of self-awareness, which tends to imply a lack of compassion and awareness of others. "Others" in this case includes, of course, the listener, who often concludes that the speaker likely does not have the insight required to truly understand the circumstances of other people, and therefore shares a message lacking relevance.
Next time you find yourself bored or disengaged in a speech, take a few moments to reflect on the pronoun use of the speaker.
More importantly, next time you're the one giving a speech, make a conscious effort to be a 'we' speaker. It'll massively boost your engagement.
Now, it's possible you're thinking "isn't that just a cheap linguistic trick?", and the answer is—like yin and yang—yes and no.
Let me explain by sharing my own experience of employing this change. I first learned of the importance of pronoun use from my Speakership co-author and speaking mentor Matt Church, in 2013 or so. At the time I remember thinking "uh oh, I think I'm a bit of an 'I' speaker". And, honestly, I think a lot of my friends would have agreed that I was a bit of an 'I' personality, too. (An overconfident straight white guy that talks about himself too much!? Who'd've thunk it!?).
For the purpose of being a better speaker, I gave the project of shifting my pronoun usage a fair bit of attention. I worked hard to make myself a 'we' speaker.
It worked. I became a much better, more engaging speaker. The cheap linguistic trick worked, you could say.
Except something else happened at the same time. I noticed myself becoming a better, more compassionate human. I genuinely think the shift in my pronoun usage created a shift in my personality that made me a better leader, a better friend, a better partner, and a better person.
Not such a cheap trick, after all.