The impulsive superpower
If I told you a friend of mine was ’impulsive’, what would you think?
The first impression we take away from that description isn’t good, is it? The standard connotation of ‘impulsive’ is pretty negative. It suggests someone who has a short attention span, makes quick decisions, can’t focus on something for long, doesn’t consider all the ramifications of their actions, etc.
I doubt many people would take being described as ’impulsive’ as a compliment… which is a problem for me, because I know in my bones that I’m an utterly impulsive person.
Like many in western cultures over the last ten years, I’ve spent a bunch of time and effort (and attention, by definition) on mindfulness. I’ve worked really hard to build an awareness of myself. Through meditation, (and in the interests of full disclosure, aided enormously by a couple of experiences with magic mushrooms a few years ago), I’ve become quite adept at observing my internal state with a measure of detachment, rather than experiencing it all directly and identifying myself closely with it.
My observations lead me to a simple conclusion; I’m impulsive.
I notice impulses in me all the time. Impulses to start something. Impulses to stop something. Impulses to try something. Following the impulse generally comes judgement. Given the usual connotation of ’impulsive’, I’m sure you can imagine what the judgemental internal discourse is like. “You can’t do that. You’re supposed to be concentrating. Really successful people work hard. They commit to things. You’re not actually successful, you’re just pretending to be”.
Honestly, if I ever spoke to someone else the way my internal dialogue speaks to me, I’d get slapped. Fortunately, I’ve cultivated a measure of detachment from that dialogue… and over the last few years I’ve finally realised that it’s not just insulting and unhelpful, it’s actually wrong.
I have amazing impulses! The impulses I have are often really, really great ideas. They can be anything from “you should go outside and jump in puddles with Deakin” to “you could write a blog about how your impulses are actually helpful”, the latter of which is an impulse that occurred to me just about 8 minutes ago as I type this.
Now, did I interrupt another task to indulge this impulse? I sure did!
I was responding to emails. (As you may already know, I dislike emails greatly, but I accept that if I’m to earn a living in 2020 I need to deal with them somehow. I therefore spend some of the little discipline I have to force myself to spend at least some time with them, fortunately with the help of the amazing Lucy who prioritises them and writes drafts for me).
Any traditional productivity training would tell you that I’d just made a terrible decision, to abandon a task mid-stream to follow an impulse.
To that I say “phooey”.
I’d been emailing for half an hour, my energy was waning rapidly anyway.
The impulse came for good reason, my brain knew it was time to shift gears and do something else.
The idea—to write and share a blog—is perfectly congruent with how I want to spend my time.
I’ll get back to emails later. It’s not like they’re going to just vanish from my inbox by themselves (well, unless Lucy decides to step in as she occasionally does).
Observing with a measure of detachment has led me to realise that my impulses are predominantly good ideas. I came to understand that the reason I’ve generally regarded my impulses negatively was due to the judgemental application of modern productivity dogma by my internal dialogue.
This realisation led to an experiment; to follow my impulses. When I have an idea, I do it. Not always, but often. I’ve started to trust my subconscious/monkey-mind/system-1/whatever-you-want-to-call-the-supercomputer-you-coexist-with. The experiment has been running for a while, and for the most part it’s been working well.
I share because I know that nobody is unique. If I’ve been using my impulsiveness as a weapon to lash my self esteem, I’ll bet others are doing it too.
Well, it turns out my impulsiveness is a superpower.
Maybe it’s yours too…?